Back home, having a very hard time!!!

[ericmsant2]

Indigo

W called and said she is very mad at me.

DB101….”change how you look at things” – She said mad but did not say she was divorcing you. Focus on the positives.

Said that she printed the phone records out and will show them to me but if I choose to see them its basically over.

IMO, in one way it is a test. Question you will need to ask yourself is how do you want to respond to the test. Me, at this point I would say…if you want to show them to me fine. Please understand that you admit to having something with OM. I am trying to work through that. I hope you understand.

She cannot believe I would doubt her like this.

How did I know she was gonna say that……. That is how she feels right now. Why…see below…

Think of it as an addiction. Your W is going through a number of what they call "false starts" and it happens all the time during Piecing. She's like a junkie that can't get rid of her fix.

That the whole situation with OM was because I drove her to it, which is the truth.

Everyone needs to learn to live there choices. I would not have agreed that she was right. I would listen and validate i.e. “I understand that is how you feel”. Take a look at how Mr Bond touches on this….

Unfortunately this has to be her choice to kick it just like alcoholism. The problem will always be there until they acknowledge that there is a problem.

It is her issue to deal with and only she can deal with it. She will continue to be drawn to him until she makes the CHOICE to face the problem. Your role in this…..continue to be a kick as* dude. Not a whimp, not a doormat…just the best man you can be. A man that respect himself and his family. A man that is responsible and can listen to what his partner needs. A man that can communicate what he wants. A man that is firm in his resolve to be the best man he can be.

I did not argue back,

That’s good.

I agreed with her and apologized for doubting her

NOT good IMO. Why agree with her that she did not do anything to deserve the mistrust. Why agree that YOU pushed her into OM arms. That may be how she FEELS but honestly, you did not put a gun to her head. She made the choice to text om – not you. I would not argue this point with her..but at the same token you do not have to agree with her.

I am honestly terrified to go home.

I understand you are scared. You do not have to be. You seem to be taking on the blame for everything. I can tell you that when a spouse cheats – they hide, protect and project on to the LBS the notion that all of the problems in the M was the LBS’s fault. You do not have to buy into that. Own your mistakes – not hers.

What is FEAR to you?

What are you really afraid of?

You already left once?

What is the worse that can happen to you?

Do you think this will kill you?

You can do this Indigo. You can save this. You can have a good healthy M. It will take time and not the timeline you probably have in your head.

We FEAR the unknown…….until we face it…then we realized that the worst part…was the FEAR itself.