W may be trying to provoke you to set you up for a false domestic violence claim or some such.
Agree or get you to leave. Almost like I will wear you down so that you pack your chit and leave. Since KML brought up the legal topic....I would not leave. Doing so is legal abondonment. Trust me, any attny would tell her to file a pendi lite motion, which would mean that you would be responsible for the household bills even though you do not live there. So do not leave the house.
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I see lots of people telling you to kick her out of the house, but I imagine that's not legal. Find out what your LEGAL rights are, how you might be able to get her to move out of the house and leave you there with the boys.
Agree in part. Although it may not be legal and chances are that it is not- throwing her as* out (if YOU decide to do that) would at least tell her that you will not tolerate her behavior. I would say find out what legally you can and cannot do. Given what you have written, you in the house with the kids is probably the best sitch for the kids.
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focus on your finances so that you have options
Agreed. Any income and DEBTS incurring during a legal marriage are JOINT income and debts. If she is racking up credit card debit you may be liable for it. So find out where you stand. if need be run a credit report on both of you.
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If you can lovingly approach her and say "Look, W, it's clear that you are very unhappy staying in this relationship with me. I love you enough to set you free.
Agree 100%...make sure the kids are not around and that if you have this convo that you are emotionally prepared.
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Separating will of course require some financial adjustments. Here's my spreadsheet of how you could move to the rental house. "
Disagree. First you are not her father. She is not stupid (may be acting like an idiot but I doubt she is generally stupid). I also think putting together a spreadsheet is not YOU place. If she is leaving then she can figure it out. If she has figured out how to have an affair she can figure out how to take care of herself. That said, if she is receptive to packing up and leaving and seems calm and workable, then I think a spreadsheet could work.
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It's entirely possible that she might come back after a separation.
Absolutly. A separation does not mean divorce. And maybe in your case is what the two of you need. So if you still want to save this...do not look at separation as the end. YOU say when it is over - no one else.
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You don't have to put up with her behavior unless you choose to. I understand you wanting to keep your family together for your kids, but it's also not good for them to live with this level of craziness and tension.
Agree 100%
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posted by AJ…….”if for no other reason that I deserve better than that and I know it”
This ^^^^ comes from the “work”…it comes when you really know who YOU are. When you finally face FEAR, when you finally say…”I matter”. When you get to a place that you do not need anyone else to validate YOU, your views….when you really just LOVE yourself.
For the record, I am not suggesting you throw her out. That is not my place – I do think YOU need to determine what is acceptable to YOU. I will support whatever you decide to do….and just remember…sometimes doing nothing is doing something.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
