Another suggestion - consult a good divorce attorney, preferably one who specializes in father's rights.
I'm not saying to file for divorce - but you NEED to find out where you stand, and what you can do to protect your rights as a father.
You need to tread carefully here. W may be trying to provoke you to set you up for a false domestic violence claim or some such.
I see lots of people telling you to kick her out of the house, but I imagine that's not legal. Find out what your LEGAL rights are, how you might be able to get her to move out of the house and leave you there with the boys.
And focus on your finances so that you have options if it does come down to a divorce.
Right now, W cannot miss you. If you can lovingly approach her and say "Look, W, it's clear that you are very unhappy staying in this relationship with me. I love you enough to set you free. Separating will of course require some financial adjustments. Here's my spreadsheet of how you could move to the rental house. "
I'm not trying to encourage (or discourage) you from divorcing. It's entirely possible that she might come back after a separation. If she was a wonderful wife until recently, she may just be going through a serious mental illness. But if she won't let you help her, the outcome is the same. Sometimes facing the reality of being a divorced single parent is the only thing that starts to wake people up.
You don't have to put up with her behavior unless you choose to. I understand you wanting to keep your family together for your kids, but it's also not good for them to live with this level of craziness and tension.
