I realize that I didn't notify my post previously, but I am going to give an update on my situation. I received some advice from a DB session and was attempting to follow it by doing a 180 and not doing what I'd been doing, which was pleading, trying to reason with my husband, and asking questions about the affair.
I went to stay with a friend for a week after he said he wanted a divorce and needed more time. I didn't hear from him until the end of the week but when I did he was furious over me moving our savings out of a joint account. I had actually done this two weeks prior, so it was odd to me how the anger showed up so much later. While I was out of town he actually cancelled my credit cards, changed the locks on my house, has taken our dog, and my jewelry. At that time, he had not filed for divorce. He told me that I would not get our dog or my jewelry back until I put some of the money back.
I went to my attorney, who advised me not to return any of the money. I ended up telling my husband that I would listen to what his attorney had to say about our retirement funds. I tried several times to get my dog back. He continues to lie all of the time and I have found out that our dog is at the OW's house. At one point, I went to his work to get the key to the house so I could get some clothes, and he seemed to be in a panic that I was there. He does not want anyone to know what he has done, probably because he used to look down on his partners for being adulterers and he made his opinion known. He gave me the key willingly but then was pretty ugly again later that day. When I brought the key back, he again told me that he was not leaving me for another woman. That he was leaving me because it wasn't working and hadn't been for a while. I tried some DB attitude and he seemed to soften his cruel behavior and started to cry again and apologized for being ugly and bullying me, but has since filed for divorce. In the past week, I have read a lot about midlife crisis and feel he fits into this category very well.
I feel that I have no choice to save my marriage now that he has filed for divorce, although I've never had a choice about working on it since this whole thing started. He almost never contacts me for me to try more DB tactics. I just don't understand how someone can treat their spouse this way after never having discussed being unhappy in their marriage. It's still such a shock to me, as I thought we were going to finally try to have a baby. It's hard to believe that I still love him despite who he's become, but you just can't turn love off like a switch. I very rarely feel any anger, just hurt and sorrow. Neither of us believed in divorce prior to this and this is not the man that I married.
If anyone has any suggestions for me, I would appreciate it.
