Driving a wedge of some sort between me and my boys at any chance she can
You may not believe this…but chances are that “YOU” do not even factor into the equation. I know sounds chitty. Think about it though…..your W is all about herself right now. Do you really think she is stopping to think about how you or anyone else beside herself feels? She probably doesn’t. I say this so that you can remove the idea/thoughts that “SHE” is doing this to “YOU”. Remember this is all about HER.
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How is one not supposed to feel the constant threat of more hateful venom as a problem to avoid?
The simple answer is detachment. Let me expand though….and ask you a few more questions…
1) If you went to work today and your boss slapped you upside the head what would you say/do? a. I would punch him/her in the face b. I would warn him/her not to do that again c. I would quit d. I would apply B, and if he/she did it again I would apply C.
If your answer is D – why?
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I feel at times that in the search for myself and handling her with kid gloves as I have had to, I am losing my self. I am losing dignity and becoming that doormat that I don't want my kids to see.
Man o man…reading this quote brought me back a lot of bad memories. JF, first off you do not have to treat her with kid gloves; although I know why you do it. You can treat her like an adult. As for your kids seeing this. Consider a few things…I agree that they should not see you as a doormat. Her actions though are showing them something – they are seeing that mom is f’d up and that Dad is the calm one.
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It's hard to walk around the house whistling and being positive when you get evil stares and your kids look at you because their mother is making faces about everything you say.
Make funny faces back at her. Seriously – why not. Chit have fun with it. Let HER know that 1) you cannot be bullied and 2) that honestly….you think she is funny.
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I just want her to go away.
You could ask her to leave or back her chit for her and leave it on the front door.
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I don't care about OM.
Bull – you still do. It’s just you are no longer obsessing about him.
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I don't care about reconciliation.
Really? You mean you really do not care? If you didn’t would you still feel this way….
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and becoming that doormat
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I don't like her anymore,
Hey I don’t know her and I really can’t stand her easier that makes two of us. Is it really “her” though….or is it her “actions”?
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much less love her. She has succeeded in that.
F that. You say when this R is over – not her! I can understand how you can feel this way JF. It is normal man. Very normal.
JF – I want you to read the thread of a few old posters….. MHL, Truegritter, LostforWords and hey if ya have time mine.
All of us, were done, then not done, then done, then not done.
All of us….had FEAR to deal with.
All of us…had issues to work through….
What you are experiencing is normal.
Do you respect JF?
Why are you afraid to confront her JF? Is it just the kids? Is it that you love her? Is it money? Is it the comfort of the what was? What exactly is stopping you from confronting her. Answer this and you just may find out a little bit more about JF.
BTW, do yourself a favor and do not start to “feel” for someone else right now. You are vulnerable and may interpret “feeling a bit better talking or hanging out with someone” as love. Just be careful. I am not accusing you – not at all.
Finally….if you are really ready and tired – let me answer one of your questions…
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Every boundary I have set has been met with violent spew and uprising.
Set the boundary as follows……
Dear W….if you do X, Y or Z – then I will pack your chit and throw you out of the house. Period.
When and if she does it again – act on it. Me personally, if this happened to me again..I would not give a rats as* what the current laws are – I would pack my fiancés chit and throw her out. Why? Cause finally, I found me, finally I fell in love with me, finally I feel like I am one hell of a man, finally I KNOW I am worth it.
Do the work JF…..do the deep digging bro…it is worth it. Use this experience to teach you, use it to make you stronger, use it to propel you forward.
If you do decide to throw her as* out….get yourself the best damn lawyer money can buy.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
