Hello! 20 year marriage teetering... (part VI)

[AnotherStander]

First an update- W had me served yesterday, she had to do it because I told her I wouldn't sign a waiver (I would have surrendered all rights to being notified of the court hearings and such, didn't feel secure doing that as I really don't know if I can trust W in the state she's in). I was about to go to the gym and was putting on my shoes, so S11 answered the door. When I walked up the server said "here are your divorce papers". And of course S11 heard, ugh. He laid on the floor in the living room and was crying. I asked him how it made him feel, told him I was sorry he felt that way. I didn't try to tell him everything would be fine or anything like that, just let him process the feelings. He seemed a lot better about 10 minutes later. I found out later from D17 that he thought that the D was final, that's why it upset him so much. W and I talked about it and decided not to tell him otherwise because it will be final pretty soon anyway and we didn't want him to go through that again.

W came over last night and we reviewed the "final decree", we made some small revisions that we both agreed on. I sent my "response" back to her L today (required after being served). At this point all that's left is the final court date to record the D.

W still has the "temporary" wrap on her arm, she really hates the thing as it great limits mobility and it's very uncomfortable. It was supposed to have been removed by now, but when she went in for a visit they told her they wanted to leave it on 2 more weeks! She was not at all happy about that!

I would say sorry to hear of this development, but it seems like you're taking it in stride. Glad to hear everything in the settlement seems reasonable, I wish I could say the same about what W sent over to me. Best of luck to you in your next chapter!

Thank you! So sorry to hear it's not going as well with your W, it sure makes things easier when both parties are in agreement. Takes a lot of the stress out of an otherwise touchy situation. When I mentioned before that I felt like the D was hanging over me, a lot of that was because I just didn't know what W was going to go for in the D. In the end she was fair about it, so that was a relief.

You are so strong to be taking this so well. You really have a good grasp of what DB'ing is all about and I guess it prepared you for the worst. Glad to hear you find it a relief.

Maybe this is what she needs to help herself get out of the fog and realize she left a spouse only a fool would. As you say to others, you never know she might come back down the road.

Your a class act and an inspiration to others, especially your children. Keep up the great work!

Thanks M! You know, I have trouble taking my own advice on this. You are quite right that I do often tell people that D isn't always the end of things and there's no telling what the future holds. But for some reason I can't accept that in my own sitch, it just seems so utterly impossible that W will ever change. But if there's one thing these forums demonstrate, it's that WAS's do indeed change. Unfortunately it's on an unpredictable timeline that can stretch out for years. But hey, it's already been almost 2 years, what's another year or two? I'm not necessarily standing anymore, but I'm not in a hurry to run out and get married again either, so who knows.

Hi AS it sounds like you are dealing with this with class and dignity exactly what I would have expected of you. Hopefully you will be around 'newcomers' for a while yet I know from my personal experiences that a reply from you is something I look for first (always seems to give me clarity and focus) and I also take so much from your comments to others, they all matter to us still in dark places, hopefully you know how much that helps and matters, really matters!!!
You should be a poster boy for the DB forums I am imagining Russell Crowe in gladiators!! That feels so wrong writing that haha!!

Cheers H

Hey H, thanks, I love the Crowe reference, LOL! I've seen that movie many times and really like it I will definitely keep posting to others here in Newcomers, I just meant that I'll move my story to the other forum since my sitch is entering a different phase.