My thoughts about this: "I want him to feel the loss of me and his part in it, but don't quite trust the universe to teach him that. I feel small for not being able to wish him happy. I don't. I am working on it, but I don't."
I don't feel like I could wish him happy either. Here's the way I look at it: He is not in a happy place, is not a happy man, is not the person we saw and loved, or is he someone right now who knows what happy is. It's hard to wish someone happy when they have no desire to make anyone else around them happy. We wish the person they WERE or COULD BE to be happy, but not the miserable, selfish people they are now. Harsh, maybe, but that's the way I see it.
I see a lot of feelings in you Portia, that have yet to be released. Find a way to let those out, you will heal faster. It does take time to admit to ourselves what is going on, especially when fighting our heart versus our brain. You will get there my friend. You are one strong lady that I admire.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
