I feel like I am in limbo

[JDM]

Thank You ACC for your words, I have a question and an update from yesterday.

1. How do I engage a coach on this site?

Okay, for the last couple of days she is distant again which I know means she has talked to the OM, but I have started 180's so I am staying positive and do not respond when she asks if I am all right, so I say I am fine, or she says are you crying ,and I am not and I say no. I wake up last night, she is not in bed, so I go out and find her out on the couch. I ask her what is wrong, and tell her I know something is wrong, and she is not saying. She says nothing. I go back to bed stay up for about an hour it is 4:30 and time for me to get up and go to the gym. I always check my email at that time on my phone. I get a message from or phone company that our password has been changed to our account. I ask her about it she is very defensive and a small argument starts. I let her know, and she knows this already, that all my snooping had already stopped, and I had not looked at the phone company's website in weeks. I go to the gym. Later that day at work I give in and look. I already know that I am going to see the OM's number there which I do. I come home she is sad and moody. She keeps asking me what is wrong and if I have something to say I say no. I finally say quick asking me if something is wrong. I tell her that I she has something to say and will not say also. I leave the room and go about something else. She comes to the other room and says okay here it is, I think you are sick of everything, and you are going to ask for a D. I say sick of what? She says me. I say elaborate, she says how mean I am because I am still talking with OM, because I still have feelings for OM, I have seen him twice. I stop her and say what do you mean by "seen"? She says no sex just talked. I tell I do not want a D, but I can not live like this much longer with OM in the picture. She starts to cry and says she does not think that I can truly ever get over what she did and how ashamed she is by what she did. I tell her I can get over it but I can not start to completely heal until OM is gone and she is completely back at this point I cry some. She shares some stuff about him. How he just wants someone to love him. How she is afraid of what he will do when she ends it. He might hurt himself ect. He has kids. I tell her maybe some tough love might do him some good like she did with me when I hinted at that with her at the start of all of this. He has kids and to grow up. She defends him but does not see it that way. I back off. She tells me he broke up with her a couple of days ago. She told him she understood, which made him mad, and he came back. I told her this morning that was just him testing her to see if he could push the issue with her to see her reaction she agrees but defends. She tells me he is frustrated with her because she is not taking steps towards D. I tell her he is forcing the issue and I am not she defends. I back off. She tells me she is worried about the physical part of our relationship she has no desire to physically please me. That hurts, I try not to show emotion or act hurt. The bedroom is an issue, and my self esteem is on the floor and I am devastated. I am committed to my changes I had started a weight loss program a long time before the boom, back in Feb of 13 Boom came in Nov of 13. I have lost 150 lbs she has lost 100 lbs. I continue to work on this. I was big when we got M she was not. She always looked on the inward and not the outward. Also, she let me know at the beginning of all of this where I had let her down in our M, so I have been working on all of those changes; protecting her from my family, listing, helping out, kids, and a lot more. She now says she does not know if she wants to start all over with someone new and that I am invested in her in OM is not, but then she goes back and forth with emotions and anger. She also says he has said he does not know why I am fighting so hard if she had cheated on him he would have left. I am like he does know what a precious gem you are, and I say isn't that a huge red flag for you? There is more but I am at work and need to go I am maybe more confused now. She texts and says thank you for letting her be open and honest and that it helps and she is sorry for hurting me.

Thank you,
JDM