You may want to visit Heather's threads. Just go up to the search button, click on it had type in LoisB and hit enter. Lois has written many postings and has poured out her heart and soul and has looked within in and is evolving each and every day into a stronger and more independent woman.
It takes time, but you'll get stronger and more independent too. Detachment takes time. Have you tried to find your old threads to see what advice was given to you years ago?
Read the other threads, go to the MLC archives and read as much as you can. Educate yourself on depression and mlc. You will find that you are not the problem...he is.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
