I know I am rambling - I am sorry - I am just trying to feel more settled and detached -
Don't apologize!! Stop it! Take a look at my ramblings some day when you feel better. This board is here to sort through the junk and find the treasure. You will get there.
Think about what you have accomplished in a mere 5 weeks. Celebrate this! You are strong. You are proving it.
Strong women/men come out of these boards. You are one of us now. And, we will be there, come thick or thin.
Masked depression is called masked because they hide the depression--even from themselves. Getting drunk on love, drugs, booze, spending, gambling, quick life changes, etc... it gives you a quick fix--doesn't it? It's a buzz.
Once the buzz wears off--and it ALWAYS DOES--they are left with themselves and, sadly, few other true friends. Remember that.
You will be OK if you calmly, bravely, patiently navigate this journey. The treasure is waiting. It's in YOU, not your H.
Sadly, he, on the other hand, will still be left with all the crap he is avoiding right now--and then some.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson