Depression is the main ingredient in MLC and it will run its course throughout the years of crisis. It is up to him to figure out that he's depressed or that something is wrong and seek treatment. Many of the crisis people will say that there is nothing wrong w/them if you should point out that they are depressed or something is wrong. Bottom line, if he's in crisis, he has to be the one to seek treatment, i.e., just like an addict, you can put them in rehab many times over, but until they are willing to do the work, they won't.
Your h is going to seek out all sorts of self medication during the crisis and some of those possible medications are: spending money, gambling, drinking, drug use, porn, dating and possibly living w/someone, etc. They are seeking changes to their lives, but don't see or understand that the change has to happen from within. They seek outside sources to make them feel better and one the euphoria of those changes wears off, once again they are out there seeking something else.
Your h will become the mirror image of himself, i.e., the exact opposite. He'll change his appearance, you'll notice that his eyes have lost that lively twinkle and become very blank, he'll either lose weight or gain it, some getting body piercings and tattoos, he'll dress younger and his "toys" will become more expensive and he won't care if his bills stack up.
Please, make sure that your assets/finances are in order. Open a separate checking/savings account and start putting money in them. If you have joint credit cards, you need to think about getting your name removed from the ones he has. You don't want to be left holding the bag paying his large credit card debt. Watch your utility bills and mortgage to ensure that it is being paid on time, if he is paying them.
Bottom line, you didn't break him, therefore you can't fix him. He is the only one that can do that. The more you try to fix him or reason w/him, the more he's going to run in the opposite direction and he will shut down on you and not listen to anything you have to say. Set boundaries that you can adhere to and will help you move along the path.
Please, take some time and visit the MLC Forum. We have some wonderful posters over there and they would be more than willing to answer any questions that you may have.
Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
