I hope the rest goes smoothly for you. Take a few days to work through your emotions around this, I'm sure they will be all over the place. Roll with it.
Keep up your GAL, take care of yourself. Hug your kids, lots!
Originally Posted By: labug
Hey Paul, huge hug (((((( )))))) (I'm a hugger)
I hope the rest goes smoothly for you. Take a few days to work through your emotions around this, I'm sure they will be all over the place. Roll with it.
Thanks. I absolutely did not want this. I told her she almost had to drag me kicking and screaming to this decision. Funny when i told her I was giving up. I told her I would have died holding your hand if you had let me. All this for lack of time together and mutual repsect. All things you can fix. Ugh
Keep up your GAL, take care of yourself. Hug your kids, lots!
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
Journaling: my work day is shot. My head is killing me. I cant concentrate. Ugh this s u c k s. My D16 is very mad at W for leaving. W text her how hard her life is now. She said...."she chose this! She left us!"
So mentally tired I feel sick. Bug, I guess that's part of what you were talking about. Feels almostn like BD all over again. Just want to curl up and sleep.
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
Paul, it really svcks having to face a reality that you do not want and cannot change. I can empathize.
Since it doesn't seem like your W will ever file, remember that you can go at your own pace. If you are not ready yet, sit on it a bit.
Remember, when you are feeling really low, that you are resilient and you will bounce back. There are many more happy times ahead, even if it doesn't seem like it at the moment.
(((Paul)))
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
I agree with everyone else that you should take your time. Process the emotions you are feeling and make sure that you are ready to file. There is no rush!
journal: I had a good time at S12 hockey game and D13 came along. She's bee spending more time with me lately.
D16 showed me the text exchange between W and her. D commented that W is selfish. I didn't tell her but I agree. W relayed to D that the rest of us seem to be moving along without her. Did I miss the fact that she left?!? Were we all supposed to sit around and cry? W told D she cries herself to sleep at night.
When I spoke with W this morning I cried. I told her, my tears are not a sign of weakness. I am strong. She said she knew that. W seems "blank". Almost like what others describe. I told her that I had enjoyed holding hands, going to eat and ML. She said she wished she could feel those things and felt mad knowing she did not. Strange. Being a H and father has ben my privledge. I told W, I will be a H again someday. I want to enjoy that life again. I know that someone will care and want to be my partner. I told her, I had wanted that person to be her, but she doesn't seem to want the job.
My emotions are all over the place and I'm exhausted. I will sleep good tonight.
As of now, I feel sorry for W and want to protect and help her. There's nothing I can do and nothing she wants from me anyway. I haven't told her and she has no idea. I think she regrets some of the decision(s) she's made because it made her life hard, but she doesn't miss me and will not return. I don't want the same broken person back anyway. we'd just fall apart again. off on my own journey I guess.
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
Paul, I hope you do sleep well tonight. Your W definitely has some issues she needs to address. I feel sorry for her too . . . she just sounds kind of lost.
I am appalled at the conversations your W is having with your D! WTH? I am kind of mad at her for dragging your D into her turmoil. That is so unfair to a 16 year old kid . . . she should not have to carry that burden. I am glad that your D has you there to be her sane parent.
Hope you sleep well and find some peace with your sitch.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
I agree with Melissa. You W almost seems to be confiding in D. Very unhealthy. I'm glad you had integrity and did not agree with what your D said about your W and just kept those thoughts to yourself. Very tough sometimes, I know
Me:33 H:35 M: 12 years D-15 S-6 Bomb: 6-2013 OW: 11/2013 Kids and I moved out: 11/2013 when he continued to lie about affair Kids and I moved back in 12/2013 H moved out 2/2014
I'm not buying that you are done. Your words in your last convo with your W make me believe that you hope she snaps out of it.
I can tell you that you have a lot of healing that needs to take place whether you get divorced or fight for your marriage. You are very much attached, otherwise you wouldn't talk about her so much. You are 8 weeks into this, 8 WEEKS. The hurt doesn't go away that quickly friend. Personally, it is the greatest hurt that I have ever felt, which includes losing my dad and best friend while going through my mess.
Obviously it is your choice. I would hate to see you make a mistake because you don't have the patience to fight through the hurt. There are no shortcuts through this emotional hell. Only way to the other side is through it.
Best of luck.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
I'm not buying that you are done. Your words in your last convo with your W make me believe that you hope she snaps out of it.
I can tell you that you have a lot of healing that needs to take place whether you get divorced or fight for your marriage. You are very much attached, otherwise you wouldn't talk about her so much. You are 8 weeks into this, 8 WEEKS. The hurt doesn't go away that quickly friend. Personally, it is the greatest hurt that I have ever felt, which includes losing my dad and best friend while going through my mess.
HI LT. perhaps. Although it makes no sense to not be done. Some part ofneishes she would see. Ive wished that for years. She's. Not going to. Its very unhealthy for me to be in that place. I must movenforwardnand heal.
Obviously it is your choice. I would hate to see you make a mistake because you don't have the patience to fight through the hurt. There are no shortcuts through this emotional hell. Only way to the other side is through it.
Best of luck.
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
my sentence inserted to the middle of the quote from LT above.
HI LT. perhaps. Although it makes no sense to not be "done". Some part of me wishes she would see. I've wished that for years. She's Not going to. Its very unhealthy for me to be in that place. I must move forward and heal.
other journaling: I went to the gym and worked with the HITT class. I really had to push myself but I'm glad I did.
You were right Bug, my emotions are all over the board. Tears one minute, anger and frustration the next. I doesn't help that my kids are starting to show me their pain again. they are circling back now too. UGH.
I have been over and over my hour long chat with W in my head. I keep searching for any clues or answers. Something I didn't understand or respond to yesterday....I hear regrets and hear that she's upset. but that changes nothing. She's not helping us d anything by reaching out to resolve the current situation. that speaks volumes.
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
