Sad times

[melissag]

Mama, your sitch is very very new. I hate to say this, but this is all going to be very raw for a while. I know how much this svcks, but there is nothing you can do other than to feel your feelings and keep plodding forward. Your progress won't be linear, but you will see at some point that overall, you are headed in the right direction. Here's a piece of advice I am still working on - don't be hard on yourself. It takes time to heal. I know it is frustrating how long it seems to take, but don't be hard on yourself because you are not further along in the process.

Your H has not filed yet, right? I don't know what state you are in - most of them have a waiting period of some sort. Do you know what it is in your state?

When my H BDd, he was ready to move out and get D like, right. that. minute.

I mean, he literally BDd me at 10 a.m. and wanted to tell the kids when they got home from school at 3:30 so that he could spend the night somewhere else.

Thankfully (because he either does or claims to want to put the kids first), he agreed to slow down a bit. I asked him to make an appointment to see a psych who specializes in this kind of stuff, to find out what's the best way to tell the kids, how should all of this work, etc., in order for the kids to be the least traumatized. This bought me a couple of weeks, and by then, I had been DBing for a while, and things started to get better at home. Once my H didn't feel so trapped, the urgency in leaving and getting D ASAP subsided. Yes, he did still move out, but it was six weeks later. And yes, he does still want to get D, but he waited four months to bring it up again. So no, my story is not going to end the way you want yours to, but at least I was able to buy some time to get through those first few months, which I think (hope) are the hardest emotionally. I am MUCH stronger now and better able to make these kinds of decisions.

If your H is pushing things along too quickly, you should talk to him and ask him to please slow down. That making rash decisions will be good for no one, and that you need to be in a better state of mind to be making decisions that will impact not only you, but your children, for a long time to come.

Don't worry about the financial side of this (or anything else in the future for that matter) right now. Right now, just focus on taking care of yourself, and getting through this incredibly difficult emotional crisis. There will be time for the rest later, I promise!