Reaching out for support and advice 2

[bluesgal]

Wow everyone-thanks so much for the support. Wonka-it's so ironic, I was just reading your posts in "A voyage in MLCers mind" and others.

If anyone shows concern towards H, he distances and withdraws. He is offended at the thought of being "diagnosed" with depression. Typical blah blah.

He came over to visit the kids tonight. Was fairly 'lucid' it seemed. He became teary eyed when he discussed that he is "not feeling settled". " I don't have my feet under me." "I do not like this situation"

But, he does not ask to move home. He is trying like crazy to spend more time here....just not live here. I must be careful of cake eating as that annoys me and I feel used.

S7 had 2nd behavior note sent home from school this week from: Teacher, substitute teacher, music teacher, and classmates mom regarding him being "mean" and acting out. Sigh. Poor little man doesn't know what to do with these feelings. The last time he had these was when we moved out. H actually acknowledged it could be due to our sitch....Cue Hallelujah music.

I will say something mean and undetached. I'm ready for 2x4's but I have to be honest: I hated hearing my H sadness and desperation on Monday and by the way, I don't think he's suicidal. I just don't. But....seeing him seem a little happy tonight bothered me. A small (maybe medium) part of me wants him to be visibly miserable so I know the kids and I aren't suffering alone....I know it sounds terrible. But it's how I feel right now.

And while I feel less stressed and more detached and moments of real happiness, I am feeling rather hopeless about our M. MLC is so scary and intimidating...and his blaming me seems so real. I mean, I just can't imagine this 'fog' being lifted and him no longer having anger, resentment, blame. I can't picture him having love towards me again.