work is good; H is crazy

[Whiterose]

WR,

About as messy as trying to push back Play-Doh through the machine cranking out different shapes.

LOL. Just about THAT messy for sure.

I did hear, via 6 page letter, all about his demands though.

How was it outlined? Which format and from whom was it delivered?

it was delivered from his L to mine. It was a list of questions, debatable points and his wants. At the end of the letter I had until noon today to respond or it would be off he table in it's entirety (his offers to me) that I was not to choose points in part had to take it as a whole and that if I did not agree I would need to put the house up for sale immediately. There was no response to the letter from my L. I'm not interested in his offer or their threatening tone

but I spent 1.5 hours on my rebuttle.

How did you work on this rebuttal? With your own L? Not clear on this part.

i went line by line arguing points, making my own demands and comments on differnt areas and have sent it to my L for review. We will write a response together and she will forward it off. H's L is on holidays for the next two weeks and H is flat broke, crying poor me all over he place, so I'm guessing that was part of the reason for the deadline.

I'm thinking of sending H a text along these lines

"Hi H. Just wondering if you'd be able to come get your tools and camping stove w/tank in the next week? If you can't i understand I'll place everything at the side of the house, covered in plastic that you can pick up at your convenience".

Zip it. Say nothing to H since it is now a part of the negotiation/business transaction with the L. Step away from this.

i did ask my L if it is appropriate for me to ask him to come and get them, she said yes and to make it like that he would need them/want them so I'm offering them.....if I wanted to do it she said it's fine

S14's parent teacher is on Tuesday. I had no plans to mention it to H as he's made no move to appear to want to be involved, and he can look at the school website just like I did, of do I initiate contact about that as well? Too much contact? Leave it be??

If I were you, I'd make sure that H has the contacts from the school so that way he receives communication from the school on upcoming parent-teacher conferences, meetings, and other pertinent details for S14. Then let H handle it all by himself from that point and on. H is a big boy and knows how to get information.

i have set it up that he is contacted with info but not sure if he would know about the meeting. It's not something teachers tell patens, we need to check the site, so H gets report cards and any progress reports but I doubt any of the day to day stuff. There's just not enough time for a school to be responsible for that

I guess I could say "s14 has parent teacher Tuesday. I plan to be at the school by 6 for if you would like to attend"?


You can say, "H, please be advised that there's a parent-teacher meeting this Tuesday at xxx pm for S14. After this message, you will need to take the responsibility for obtaining this type of information from the school yourself going forward. The contact information is posted at the school's website. WR"

do you think this info could be construed as oppositional? The take care of yourself from now on part? I completely understand how I'm not his mother, and this was part of our marriage's problem, but don't want to come across as a b1tch or bossy as, again, one of the problems of our marriage

This way H will need to learn to be responsible for his own actions or lack of actions when it comes to parenting your children. Which is why I posted that particular gem from Betsey on boundaries. You are not H's mother when it comes to communications from the school.

Thank you for your help!!