I'm copying and pasting some useful information on boundaries that Betsey wrote in Melissa's thread over in Newcomers. This is something that you would want to tuck away in the back of your head. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
It's up to you to have your own boundaries and morals and to decide which of them are important enough to enforce and which are their business and you're judging - or if it's your business and they are judging. I love a concept that I learned from D16's special ed teachers along the way: "If this, then that". It's how they teach her.
If conditions exist where they aren't truthful with you and you don't like it or appreciate it, then.... (fill in the blank). Enforce YOUR boundaries, but don't go looking for trouble. And if your boundaries are just nonsense or absolutely weird or completely not reality, then run them by your IC.
Even without "teaching" my P/A husband to change with me, I did it and enforced it. He'd tell me he'd be some place for our D and not show up, I went anyway. I didn't mention it to him, didn't nag him and let my D19 stew. He let HER down. And when he'd call to make an excuse or apologize, I'd tell him, "It's not me who's hurt - it's our D. Why don't you explain to her?" Boundary enforcing. Not my circus, so I let the lead monkey be accountable to the one person he hates hurting. He changed, Melissa. But before then, I'd have read him the riot act and gone for his jugular. Nothing would have changed.
And YES, it's reasonable to take people at face value. Assume they shoot straight. But if they don't, then do something about it.
