Starsky: Yes, I still want to save my marriage and re-attract W. When I moved out back in August, W was worried about finances. Based on that, I said I would pay for any costs associated with the cats, or help out with them anyway I could. Not having children of my own, they are my "girls", so to speak. Based on that, I do whatever is needed of me to take care of them. The questions about taxes and 401k, etc are natural since finances are my forte. If I were to say no to helping with the cats or answering her questions, wouldn't that tell her that I don't care?
Fred,
Basically, she has "fired" you as her husband right now. You should treat her accordingly (kindly, like you would a neighbor whom you took in to board) -- no more, no less.
She needs to feel the consequences of the decision she's made, and "putting on her BGPs (big-girl panties) as we used to say around here is called for. That doesn't mean you act MEANLY towards her, it simply means that you stop doing things a husband would typically do.
Tough call on the cats, as they are like kids to a childless couple (or to me, and I have four kids!) Personally, I'd say "yes" to helping with the cats, but "no" to rescuing her with the financial stuff. But that's just me.
