Reaching out for support and advice 2

[bluesgal]

Feels like I've been away from this forum for ages!

H anger spewing and volatility has resulted in him moving out. His idea-I agreed.

He left in tears saying he had a lump in his throat the size of a grapefruit. Said if I ever need anything I can call and count on him. WHAT???

He slept in a hotel on Friday night, then in his truck on Saturday night. I know this because he has contacted us a couple of times.

He was trying to come home already on Sunday, making silly excuses like, I can pick up this (unneeded item) or that and bring it over. His texts were very sad sounding.

Then Monday night we spoke on the phone and he was sobbing and screaming (cycling back and forth). "I didn't want any of this. I miss the kids. There's no way out. I feel trapped everywhere I go. It's all your (my) fault." He was cursing God and challenging him. He was driving around avoiding sleeping over at his (loser) buddies house again. (I think H is embarrassed)

He doesn't understand (remember) that when he's home, he wants to leave, and when he's gone, he wants to come home. I told him I was there for him-He said no you're not. I told him I cared for him-He said no you don't. I told him I hope he can search inside himself and find his happiness-He said maybe I should search inside myself.

He misses the kids he never calls or texts. I just don't get it.

I should mention that he was late for work again. Twice in 1 week. He is a MESS. Historically, H has been late to work a couple of times since I've known him in 20 years. He takes his (unfulfilling) job very seriously.

The good news: Him being out of the house has helped me make huge strides in detachment. I've even been..wait for it...HAPPY a couple of times that he's been gone and I feel that weight off my shoulders. No more tip-toeing. No more waiting for the anger to lash out. We are at peace at home. H is out somewhere spiraling.

As I've researched, I'm now wondering if I should be posting in the MLC section since H is following script 100%. I've been afraid to look at MLC info due to fear. Well-it stared me in the face. H is deep in MLC. I know it doesn't change my current stance or how to handle myself and my life. I know that this is a marathon-but now I fear the cycle and more crazy behavior to come.