my wife left, but still lives with me #2/continued

[OneDay]

I sure miss my wife. Part of me doesn't even believe this is happening. I certainly cant dwell on it but somehow must accept it? The holding out of hope is good I think but painful. Nothing I have done to date seems to have an affect.

What I have done is possibly too minor. I quit emailing/texting completely, don't discuss the R (except breaking down once in the last 3-4 weeks), go out occasionally, started exercising, go to IC and back to AA meetings these past 6 weeks.

Struggling to find more 180's to do. How does one have hope and yet detach? Or do you have to suspend hope that the marriage will work out in order to detach. This is about 30% for me, 70% for the marriage, these changes. How does one progress to 100% for me and maybe the marriage will work, maybe it won't attitude.

These are the things I am pondering right now........

Tough, You are not alone! I am having the exact same feeling/emotions currently, I mean 100% exact same feelings. I also feel like there is more that my WAW is not telling me. There has to be more, RIght? I feel that if she was willing to work right now that we could re-build/renew our marriage. I think it would be alot of work, but I feel we could do it. If I find out the answers to some of your questions I will let you know. But at the moment we are on the same train.

I don't know about you, but I would've never guessed my wife would want a D. She IS NOT the same person. She is nice to me, but looks at me in a different light, (like an acquaintance). I guess she is protecting herself and not letting her guard down one bit.

I think the things you are doing are good, Keep them up.

As for detaching, some days I feel 90% detached and others I feel like she dropped the bomb again. Its a crazy ride, thats for sure. A few things that I like to remind myself with when feeling down are;

Sandi's rule: 24. Be patient......very, very patient. Give your spouse space and time. When you pull back, it will draw them towards you. It feels opposite of what you want to do, but it works!

and My favorite 33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.

I also have to remind myself this is marathon not a sprint. Many people have posted this saying on both of our threads. We have to remind ourselves of this because we are not very far into this. It takes some people years, we've only been at it for a few months (even though it feels like years)

Again count yourself lucky she has not filled. Maybe she just needs more time/space.