I personally would honor what my dad wants. Of course, I think this goes part and parcel with letting go and allowing others to make decisions for themselves, even if I don't like or agree. After all, even doing the DB thing - all I asked of my family when I decided to wait it out was to love and support me and my decision. And they did it.
There are times when it's REEEALLLLY hard, and yours is one of them. But maybe you can set out to have him enjoy the time he has with you and let him fight his fight too?
Back when Dennis' cancer first metastasized to his esophagus, I was the nervous Nellie. My grandfather died a horrid death from esophageal cancer and I knew that it was a tough one. I worked to temper my anxiety, along with the 2 cops (one is also a nervous Nellie). The good thing is that there are so many more available options now. I'm not saying this to you or anyone in particular. Just that my perception was based on something that was true in the past. He chose the radiation option. Cop #1 and I were still unsure - he was in a lot of pain and visibly suffering, as well as it changed his voice forever. Anyway, I guess I tempered my anxiety a whole lot better than Cop #1 (he's such a good guy, and I want you to know this).
One afternoon, Cop #1 called me at work. He told me that he had gone to dinner with Dennis and that HE got a talk. Dennis told him that he was so appreciative that he was and is his good friend. But he asked for one gift, and one gift only (other than his time and friendship). He said, "What I want from you and everyone else is the gift of hope. I have it, and in order for me to do this, I need YOU to have it too." Cop #1 reframed and told me and from that point forward, it has been our mantra. We share our anxiety with each other, but we are certainly hopeful and respectful with his wishes.
And honestly, why does it take for someone to tell us they need hope? Why don't we offer it anyway? I can say fear was our reason. Plus we both believe this world is a better place with him in it. We're all kinda selfish that way. The love sort of selfish.
But you know what? At that time, the docs had suggested he take Nexavar - that it would work optimally under his circumstances. Dennis had done enough research on it to say no. That he wasn't in the business of prolonging a life without quality. We didn't agree with that decision and just put stuff out there for him to consider. He chose his path with our blessing. And sadly, last week, he told the oncologist he was willing to go that route. Only now it truly *would* be prolonging the inevitable. They told him that he would basically be housebound and have no energy. He decided he'd rather manage the pain and go to dinner and the movies with us.
Hmmm. I think I might arrange a Valentine's Day dinner at my house now. Complete with china and crystal.
Anyway, I applaud you for walking that thin line of wanting something but letting go of your wants because this is your dad's choice. BA, you're a good egg.
The sun is finally out and the snow has stopped. But it's -10 and D16 is home sick. Not a good time for that, but Mr. Wonderful is in LA for work until later tonight. Oh well. I might go out and shovel a bit to get my muscles moving.
Hugs to all-
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
