Like Eric said...What gets done needs to be done with making you feel trust in the relationship just like your actions right now have to instill your wife's trust in the relationship. What ever that is, is up to the two of you.
"To get there I'm willing to forgive my W for this recent mess"- Forgiveness is for you brother, not her. To let go of the anger and resentment in your soul....energy being wasted on something you do not control. Then turning that wasted negative energy into positive growth.
"I'm willing to let her earn my complete trust back again." - I earn a paycheck, but I rebuild my soul. The mentality of "earning" is receiving something for work done. I don't know about you, but I don't want my spouse to be a worker. I want her to be my partner. Partners build things together...based on many different ideals and goals. Are you letting her earn her way back into the marriage or are you (as partners) trying to rebuild it better than before?
"I'm willing to open myself up to possible hurt if we cannot make things work in the long run"- While I haven't read your earlier posts....others have alluded to you also doing some non-marriage supporting acts. So your wife is also having to open herself up to some hurt if that is the case. Marriage is 100% in, 100% of the time, with 100% commitment by both people. Were you 100% in the marriage prior to this? How are you going to achieve being 100% in the marriage 100% of the time? How are you going to stay 100% for the long run? What is your plan for the future YOU want?
"I know that if I do not give this M my all I will only be wasting my time. "- How do you plan/have to change to achieve this goal? While I am not 100% up on your situation, what I have read is a lot of reactive action to your wife's actions. Little about the things you are doing to make yourself a better spouse. I have seen it 1,000's of times on here....People use the techniques to temporarily save their marriage, start piecing, and then go back to old behaviors....and eventually return here.
This is not a 2x4 Indigo, it is an outside perspective on your last paragraph. I fully expect you to be a bit ticked off actually, but I would like you to think about what I have said. How you perceive your world, is your reality.....Change your perception and you change the world.
