New to This - An English Man In Trouble

[Hadlee58]

Well a quick update:

Its been a challenging week with some good and some bad. Picking up on the good points i visited my parents and spoke to them about how i have been feeling since Xmas and that they have only added to my pressure, my father was a little agitated to start with but by the time i had finished i think he had relaxed more (i dont think he is used to not being the one calling the shots). When i left i felt great and gave myself a pat on the back. He later called and offered to call round to see us all (wife included) and clear the air saying that he would do whatever was right for me. This happened and it went well both from my wife and my parents, i think we were both glad to have cleared that up.
My wife is still intent on leaving and wanted to discuss the finer details on Sunday - she started with the usual speel about how bad it has been for her over the years and how unhappy she is and how it is all down to our relationship, ending this can be the only way for her to be happy again. I validated her feelings well which seemed to diffuse the situation. She had told me at lunch on Sunday upstairs that she was going to start looking for somewhere to rent, i replied that if that is what she wants to do i wont stop her or try to talk her into staying. She used this later on in our conversation (that evening) to say that its the only option as due to my earlier comments that clearly i have given up too.I took the kids to my parents for a few hours over the weekend and she said that she didnt even get an invite, i would have loved her to go but in that she hasnt wanted to come any other time this year and had just told me that we were finished i didnt think it was appropriate. Maybe i didnt do too well from there as i replied that i have not and will not ever give up on fighting for our marriage and future. She indicated that she has seen the changes in me over the last 8 months and how difficult it must have been for me to live with her and her mood swings and unhappiness however that isnt enough and there isnt any love there to make it worth fighting for, thats how it ended. It took some mighty strength from me not to throw my DB techniques in the bin and go back to trying to rationalise with her. It seems my efforts of concentrating on me for a change have been a green light for her to assume that i too have given up.
That said i know i havent and maybe we do need the time apart to see things differently, its difficult staying in the same house and remaining upbeat and not thinking she thinks this is me given up on her, we are still sharing the same bed and have great conversations with and around the kids its just once they are asleep that things become frosty.
I guess i am after any advice on whether i should be doing things differently, its clear she is looking for somewhere else to live, my take is that she has checked out now and no matter what i do will come across as wrong. I am fully behind the DB principles its just when i look in my kids eyes that i start to get the wobbles and doubt what i am doing.

Thanks for listening and any advice H