Well, what your wife is saying is script for those in an A. I would guess that there is still contact, and that she's looking to explore that R further. You need to give her hope that you are an alternative to this other person. That you can provide for her emotional needs better than he can. I would not go LRT right now. Do whatever you can to address her complaints, and find time in your schedule so that she can see that you would have time for her. As the father of her children you have the inside track.
Do not tell her of your intended changes- just make them. Know that she may rebel against your changes, telling you that she thinks it's a ploy and that it won't work. Simply validate and let her know that you understand why she would feel that way, but your making changes in your life that are for you and are long overdue. Don't get sucked into an argument with her about it. As hard as it is, stay positive and strong around her. Likely she's feeling conflicted inside (despite what she says) and will see you in a different light if you can keep your changes going. It takes a LONG time, so be patient!
