Limbo is the new normal

[slow_it_down]

Amazing isn't it? How you can look your partner in the eye and ask for what you want but they can't give it to you until you are out of their lives. Amazing that I couldn't get this man to come home before 7:30pm from work, but he can snap his fingers and now be able to get our S from daycare by 4 or 5pm several nights per week. Amazing that he's worked every weekend since we've been married but on day 1 of our current separation now he's suddenly available to have our son every other weekend.

Amazing how he heard our son cry for 2 minutes last week before declaring "I can't deal with this [censored]" when I really needed his help while I finished my work only to tell me today he can handle having the baby overnight on his weekends.

This reminds me of last year when after years of telling me he could never hit the beach in the summer because of work he took his new girlfriend to the beach 2 weeks after we separated.

I'm tremendously sad but this really reinforces what I've been feeling. All I wanted was to feel like he could be happy with me.

On the positive I had a promising job interview today for a position that would alleviate some stress in my life at the moment. I'm a believer of prayer and despite feeling a great deal of pain I can't help but feel like God is taking care of me to get me through this.

I'm sorry to those looking to my sitch for hope. I feel I've let you down by pushing my H away.