One baby step at a time...

[2ndTimeHurt]

Wow, well I don't really know what to tell you. You seem kind of "all over the place" in what you want with your ex. I guess my question to you is what is all this interaction with her doing to you? Does it hurt you, or are you detached to the point where you can give her footrubs and have her walk on your back and you don't have any expectations that it means anything? Regarding your question about whether or not to talk about OM my question would be the same- does that hurt or upset you or are you ambivalent about it? Her R with OM is brand new, so at this point there is nothing you can say or do that is going to help your sitch any I don't think, especially considering you were never M'd. So do what is right for YOU. If going dark will help you detach then do it. I think you're having too many interactions with her considering her R with OM, and that she is never going to learn to miss you at this point. But it's your call.

I know I'm all over the place. Truthfully, the om situation hurts me. There are days where it doesn't bother me much but then there are days like today where I'm in pain.

I've learned to act or behave in a way where I have no expectations regarding my interactions with her. Hope for an unknown future sure, but I know not to expect anything. I honestly have a good time with her and I want to believe she does too. I know the person she is now isn't really who she truly is. I do see glimpses of the girl i fell in love with. She bounces around so much with what she says and does that it's becoming easier to not believe anything she says. Any time she talks about the future I just ignore it.

What makes hanging out with her easier(and I've mentioned this to my counselor many times), is my ability to see it as family time. I have zero urge to bring up any r talk. I'm taking things one day at a time and I really do have that quote ingrained into me. "If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway." The other voices in my head battle that line but for some reason I always end up feeling like I should be kind, anyway.

I think the reason I'm all over the place is because it's still early in my sitch and the fact my ex started dating so early plus the lovey dovey stuff she said before bd and her drastic depression she went into(suicide talk) to her "acting happy" like nothing happened.

I bet she barely remembers that she was actually my fiancé.


About her missing me. As, is there a time and place to go dim and let her miss me and a time and place for her to really enjoy my company? I'm torn between doing something different and doing what worked last time. It seems to me that I feel most comfortable doing a mix of things. I do that with everything in my life. A little bit if this and a little bit of that.

Also what's your take on going dim? How would you define it?

Thanks.