The clarity an affair discovery provides, to ME, is when there were fewer signs of trouble in the marriage, and the explanation for the separation becomes more apparent. I think it tends to lessen our questioning. So, yay for that.
As long as it does not end our personal efforts at becoming better partners and parents, then the clarity is advantageous.
Hmm. I guess in this case, I don't really view it as the reason for the S. I think that my H was unhappy with our M, and I think that while he didn't have an actual person waiting in the wings (remember, this thing right now started at christmas), he had an imaginary OW. He needed to get out and have someone who would stroke his ego, because he wasn't getting enough of that from me.
So maybe it does or doesn't show that he is "done," per se. But what it shows me is that my H is not someone I want to be with. The H he was, or I thought he was (and I am still not sure whether there is a distinction there) is who I want. But he is showing me, little by little, that he is now definitely not the H I want.
So maybe it's more that I am done.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
