melissag XII - must. detach.

[25yearsmlc]

25 has some very good things to think about.

well, (cough cough) if you say so... Labug is a genius, obviously...


I'll be brief. If this, what shall we call it...dalliance of your H's is a deal breaker, so be it. I have an idea I would have filed in that case but I wasn't in that position so don't really know.

I want to echo parts of this^^. First, We do NOT KNOW if this is a PA. It's something inappropriate, and it suggests a strong interest in her, on his end and perhaps an interest in him on her end.

But since he isn't open about it, I have to assume there are no plans for the big reveal.

Second, Melissa, there are some horror stories YOURS DOES NOT Fit

which I am now referring to, wherein a WAS "announces his TRUE love" to the world, and introduces the OP into their family and social circles AS IF IT EXPLAINS everything! Like the families will slap their foreheads and say "Ah, But of course!"

They brag, cluelessly, (& often times cruelly,) about their "real love" and they want others to share in their joy!

THAT is the type of thing that is so tough for the LBSer to experience, let alone get past, B/C it takes the personal breach of trust, into the public eye.

Your h has not done this, yet. And we hope he won't and as you point out, there are good reasons for him to withhold this information, for now...but it's not indefinite. If he thinks it's love, he'll be "really happy" to tell others, sooner than you think. You may even negotiate better while he thinks you don't know b/c he wants to keep it hidden.

Like agreeing up front, on YOUR END< that YOU won't "bring new OM into the kids lives unless it's a serious R, and of course only with a man who would LOVE The kids as their father does"... (I told my h that, btw. You know, to reassure him that I would be sensitive to the issue. It sure seemed to stun him. Like he may have contemplated that I would date, but did not seem to realize what that might eventually mean, as in, I bring the man home to meet the kids and get their buy in. As in a step father...

But yes, if this is a deal breaker, I'm not judging. I also can tell you'd make a distinction between a one night stand or drunken romp, and an ongoing deceitful r with OP, which is an A. Your h is not in a clearly defined r with her, yet. Whether it's a dalliance, a total fantasy, or a full on affair, we don't know!

IF I'd been in your shoes, (and this is NOT a suggestion, just an observation), IF I believed it was a PA, I think, but do not "know", that I would have filed. I don't think I'm proud or ashamed of that. It's just what I believe about myself. Thankfully I did not have that issue to confront.

If my h had a "public" affair as I described above^^, and later was sorry and wanted to reconcile, I probably would never know b/c I'd have filed and moved on. (In which case my h probably would never tell me of his wishes. HIS pride would have kicked in.)


But an affair that few people knew of, AND that he regretted...who knows? I don't.

Cross that bridge if you come to it, when you come to it.


I think your anxiety over the unknown is taking over. Please be aware of that and try not to make decisions based on that. Sometimes we want to control things and get on with it so we don't have to wait for that other shoe to drop. Slow down and be careful. I know you have a lot of fears, money being one but you have to do what's right for you, no regrets.

So don't let his actions or your L or your C push you into doing something you're not ready for.

THIS^^^^ IS GOLD ADVICE. Please consider it thoroughly.

Melissa, Right now two women, Labug and I, are telling you to just slow down a bit. We have been around here a long time and we both are reconciled.




They have pieces of your best interests at heart, that don't have all of it. That's yours. From you posts it seems like you sometimes make decisions based on what you think others think you "should" do.

Slow down, dig deep, what does Melissa want? What's good for Melissa?

((( )))