[quote=paul19510]M, regardless of your stance on H texting with this OW from a moral standpoint, its good you know, because it shows you in no uncertain terms he's done. it helps you to make further decisions.
How on earth can you say it shows he's done? MANY of the reconciled marriages here, involved affairs...
Just had to say that. To ME, having an OP in the mix may well end it FOR THE LBSer,
( we do have our pride and for many, the trust is irretrievably broken, particularly with repeated or long term affairs (that go on for years while the cheater flat out denies it)
but to say an A means the WAS is "more done" is not something that the data supports as far as I know.
It's also a bit counter intuitive to me. I think when there are deep problems in a marriage OR a spouse, the spouse who can walk away and has NO other person waiting in the wings, is MORE PREPARED to live alone and be "done" than the WAS who is having an A.
The "A" is the escape hatch for the undecided, the straw that broke the back, etc and has the promise of better things and it's a lot faster for that person to disappoint, to reveal their true selves, (& that the grass is NOT greener over there with them)
than for a WAS who is so unhappy with his/her life that they'd choose to be alone rather than with their families,
It makes it SLOWER to reconcile, maybe... but I absolutely know couples who reconciled after an affair. [b] I'm not positive, but my guess is that most of the couples HERE who have Recon, had affairs involved.
Just wanted to comment on that original statement.
The clarity an affair discovery provides, to ME, is when there were fewer signs of trouble in the marriage, and the explanation for the separation becomes more apparent. I think it tends to lessen our questioning. So, yay for that.
As long as it does not end our personal efforts at becoming better partners and parents, then the clarity is advantageous.
IF it makes us b!tter people instead of bEtter people, that is a compounding tragedy.
It eliminates the chance for a reconciliation, it stops the progress of the LBSer as a person, and it hurts everyone.
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M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
