Mediation and the realization........PartV

[Positivespin]

February is real tough. Ive been unfocused and am trying to get back on point. I thrive in routine and im seeing a great wall of change ahead of me- and im racing straight towards it. Im intimidated,overwhelmed and scared.

I had some bloodwork done on Saturday because im not me right now. Suddenly, confidence is low and im finding myself with anxiety type symptoms (Biting nails, picking skin etc).

Im hoping they find low vit D or low iron etc, something easy to fix and obvious. All I want to do is be a slug. I do force myself to keep exercising but I sabotage myself by eating alot more at night (My only unscripted meal of the day).

I stopped the dating site. I was only looking for long term relationship quality women and the more I thought about it the more I believe that caliber of woman would not touch a separated man with a 100 foot pole. Trial and error......right?

So im continuing to live and im continuing to learn. Im currently focusing on learning how to build, and maintain, attraction. Ive done so much wrong because I just didnt know any better. My wife had a pile of mush. A spineless, opinionless, 6 ft tall blob. We never fought because I simply gave up and gave her what she wanted......Boy oh boy have I changed in that regard

RT- I appreciate so much you taking the time to present a different perspective. Im concerned because its SUCH a fine line. Is my x like pawxatawny and simply popping her head out of her arse for a peak? I have been so dark that I cant outright forgive- I have no idea what went on or is currently going on. I let her go. D4 and I both deserve a home filled with love. She needs to make the commitment, on her own, to rebuild a very different model. MY first step towards a reunite would obviously have to be asking her what her current sitch is. Personally, I dont want to know. I have no desire to be her girlfriend.

Scotty- GREAT TO SEE YOU ARE HERE