Paul, just catching up on your sitch. Lots of good stuff here.
I'm sorry your W isn't respecting what you have reasonably asked of her with respect to the kids. It's one of the things I find most annoying about this sitch - I lost the H that I loved but I still get to deal with the parts I didn't like - him being irresponsible, not paying attention to the kids' school calendars, continually asking me to switch nights with the kids because he "forgot he committed to go to X, Y or Z," etc.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
My W didn't respect my boundary this morning about communicating directly to each other about rides for kids, etc. She went to her office this morning without taking kids in to school due to 2 hour delay. She left a message with D13 to give me. When I yelled up from my office to make sure they were ready on time for W, D13 said, "oh dad, mom said you'd take us in. She's already over in town at work..."
I politely called W and reiterated that in these cases I would be very helpful if she would communicate directly as I had previously asked. She gave excuses to which I replied: "I understand, if you could please just send me a short text next time to let me know directly, that will help me help the kids and we'll all be better off....thanks! I'm sure you're busy and I have a meeting to get to so let me let you go now..."
As I said earlier, this is really turning into a business arrangement and it has no advantages to me at all. Not sure I want this anymore....she's not moving in any way that I can see.
There are people who just can't meet our needs and they don't have to.
We have to recognize that and act accordingly.
(( ))
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I think you need to keep in mind YOU aren't in limbo, she is. You have said several times you are moving forward with or without her: that's not limbo! Leave her twisting. Your life will keep going regardless if what she does, just keep going!
If she starts dating, then go ahead and date! (But, if she's not then don't- it's only been 2 months.) But if you aren't sure you want D, don't do anything in that regard. You want to come out of this knowing you did everything you could- that doesn't mean you sit and wait. YOU aren't in limbo.
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
I think what Bug said is interesting. . Certain people can't meet our needs and that's ok. I get our spouses not meeting our needs. We need to adjust and get things done by ourselves without them or despite them. What I have a hard time dealing with is people who can't meet their children's Needs.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15