You sound like you understand some of the dynamics that got your marriage where it is. Now for some things you need to take into consideration. As of right now, your marriage is dead, but that doesn't mean you cant build a new/stronger one. Its going to take time, and its going to take a lot of work.
When your wife pulled the trigger, you have to understand she didn't come lightly to her decision. She'd been thinking this LONG before she actually said something to you. On the day she told you (BD day) she detached from you and the marriage.
