GM - I know I have written this before, but my xh displays a very similar, but less extreme set of behaviours.
To this day I honestly do not know if he recognises his lies and inconsistencies, In my case I am fairly sure it is a borderline personality disorder. Does it matter? Well, it does mean that it isn't personal. My therapist identified my xh as having a BPD some years back, and it took me a while to accept the diagnosis. Sadly, like paranoia, the sufferer doesn't fully realise what they are doing. It isn't an excuse.
My xh gets caught in whopping stupid and pointless lies which he explains away to his own satisfaction (I assume) but no-one else is fooled for a moment. For example he has told me that he has a really good relationship with his youngest son. He either believes this, which is strange, as he doesn't have this relationship. Or he knows he doesn't and is lying about it, while knowing that I talk to my son on a regular basis. Either way it is nuts, and as you say, crazymaking.
I now assume that everything he says is untrue, with little bits of truth in there. And, as I understand it, untreated, these personality disorders get worse as time goes by. My xh truly believes that there is nothing wrong with him, and it is everyone else who has a problem. Which is a little strange, given the evidence.
Although the loss of my marriage was the hardest thing I have lived through, I am relieved not to be married to the man my xh has become. As you may know I am currently being sued by my xh on a very flimsy case. But it is time consuming, draining and expensive even to defend.
