melissag XII - must. detach.

[25yearsmlc]

You and I are both grossed out right now. F*cking people man...

I really hope you figure out what to do. I hope you figure out a way to find peace. This sh*t storm you're in sure makes it difficult.

Thanks, 2TH.

This is going to sound weird, but I think that the timing of all this has worked out pretty well. In the sense that I really am able to handle this now, whereas I wouldn't have been a few months ago.

You know Melissa, on one hand I immediately wanted to send "HUGS" and commiserate. I certainly ache for you.

But I also had that "oh gee, that makes sense" feeling too. ALMOST relief...

for ME it makes your strategy much clearer. More on that later...


So I guess I should thank my H for getting douchier and douchier slowly, so it gave me some time to get used to it.

I truly thought, at the time that H moved out, that we were going in the right direction.

Wrong.

He is going in the completely opposite direction.

His direction is his, on HIS journey. The faster he gets wherever he is going, the sooner you will see whoever he is going to become.

And the clearer your course will be.

Perhaps (though I doubt it), someday he will come back in my direction. But that's not something I am going to even waste time hoping for right now. I have got to put my energy into my kids and rebuilding my own life.

TOTAL agreement^^. Also I would NOT tell him you know about the OW (at least not now) b/c then every step you take now will be seen as a tactic of revenge or competition.

There MAY come a time when it is convenient or strategic, perhaps for financial reasons, to tell him you know exactly who he is spending time doing and you pray her family and husband are not suffering like yours are...

(b/c he won't want to be seen as the cheating lying teenager he's acting like) But for now, I don't see any advantage and I frankly take it as a good sign that he has not filed OR told you about her.

That does explain how "really" Happy he is. That is b/c Fantasy spouses are always, consistently, perfect...

I think I know what I am going to do. I need to sleep on it, and get the answers to some details about money and custody and what happens between filing and final orders, but unless the answers are really far off from what I think they are, I am going to file.

understood