You know that moving forward is happening, no matter what forces it, right? It's totally understandable and okay that you're scared. Just make sure you know what you're really scared of. Living alone? Check. You're doing that, and a good job there. Being responsible for the kids without emotional support? Check. You got that covered too. Not having financial resources? What exactly terrifies you? Then just do it anyway.
No, it didn't change things for me at all. I told you that story to show how far my XH was willing to go to maintain his P/A stance. What made me unhappy was the fact that he accompanied it by saying, "I'm giving you the D you want anyway." Not that he filed, but that he didn't own his feelings.
I really feel this is not relevant anyway. Remember, I dragged his ass to the mediator within 3 weeks of him moving out. I needed to have a very clear agreement between us how we were going to manage our money and clearly stipulate our rules of engagement. So for the 2 years I was in marital limbo, I was not living with the fear of "what if..." It's what *I* needed to manage my own anxiety. We have a disabled daughter, and I needed to know whether or not he was going to get with the program or run away completely. It was a 50-50 proposition at that time, at least in my head. And we created the rules for our family that worked for us. When we didn't agree, Bill took control and gave us legal framework that we could renegotiate. I won some rounds, and he won others.
So by the time he filed, I already knew I could take care of my household by myself. I already knew what it was like to have to make big girl decisions without his moral support. I already knew that I would come out okay no matter what.
So I kind of feel that I got my fears relieved by managing where my true anxiety lay. Make sense?
I completely agree with what Paul said. Totally and completely. I will just advocate for making sure that whatever you choose, you're at peace. I realize you don't want to break up your family. But because the least common denominator appears to want that, you have to choose your battles and make sure that you look out for yourself and the kids too. If you had to choose "pissing your H off" at your expense (or worse.. The kids) who would you choose to please more? In case it isn't obvious, isn't Melissa the one who should have Melissa's back?
Anyway, that's my $.02. I don't have much more in my wallet to give you anyway.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
