melissag XII - must. detach.

[melissag]

I hit submit too soon, but glad I did, because just saw Paul's post.

First of all, Paul, thank you for your kind words. It really does mean a lot. I don't even really think of you all as strangers, but as friends.

I should make it clear. If my H said (with sincerity) that there was any chance of R, I would go to the ends of the earth to make it happen. None of this is me saying, "I'm tired of this," or, "I want to move on," or "I want closure." It's not me trying to teach my H a lesson, or a ploy to get him to come back. My H isn't like 3's H, who still has one foot (or a toe, anyway) in the M. My sitch is not like labug's, with no contact for a long while, but her H not filing for D. My H has said very clearly, he does not want to be married, and he wants to move things along in that direction..

I wish like crazy that there was something I could do to make this M work, and to provide a two-parent home for our children.

But if H is hell bent on getting D (which it sure seems he is), sitting around letting him drive the bus is only going to hurt me. It will do nothing to further my goals of having a good M and an intact home for my kids.

Just what you said, Paul:

Live tied (in the legal sense) to your current H so you can say you 'saved the M'....that's not going to help you or the kids.

I really do care a lot about principle. But sometimes, you just have to live your life based on the ugly reality, not on principle. Because having some holier-than-thou feeling because *I* didn't file for D isn't going to keep me warm at night. It's not going to pay for my kids' education. It's not going to help me move forward with my life.

Betsey, aside from your feelings of injustice about who filed, did it make a bit of difference in your life or your children's lives that you are shown as the Petitioner on the D petition? I think that came out sounding like a challenge, but it really comes from a place of curiosity.

I am PETRIFIED of moving forward right now. I DO NOT want to be D. I truly, truly don't. But pushing things off for another what? month? two? or however long it takes my H to get the ball rolling, is not worth what I could lose if I don't file now and preserve my financial rights.

I know I am rambling on tonight, and I think I may have already said this, but I can't take the risk of sitting around waiting for my H to possibly have a change of heart. And honestly, in the highly unlikely event that he does have a change of heart, he can stop the D.

It's kind of like I was telling Dingo earlier - WASs know how to say "I don't want to get D." or "I want to R." And if they do want these things, they will say so. Is that not right?