So absolutely no fallout from yesterdays dart. We're getting along as well as ever, talking about our day and home stuff, smiling, laughing. Very comfortable, zero tension.
At first, I thought the Sex Starved Marriage book was not appropriate for me/us, because W may still be in crises. I figured she needed to work through that before I could put any moves on her. But we get along very well, and she seems quite "Non-depressed" most of the time, so I have reconsidered.
On the SSM forum here, there is a stickied thread titled "The four stages of sex starved marriage recovery".
Stage 1: Heal Yourself. (Check) Stage 2: Learn to meet your spouses needs. (Check) Stage 3: Get your spouse on board. (present project) Stage 4: Make like bunnies. (ok, I might have made that one up)
So I've decided to move forward with Michele's SSM advice. I have read the entire book, and re-read chapter 8, "Can we talk?" several times.
Originally Posted By: SSM book, chapter 8
Is now a good time?
Start off on a good note.
Be specific.
Talk about what you want rather than criticize
Use I messages
If things get heated, take time out
Feelings/perspectives aren't right or wrong.
Don't mind read
Leave the past in the past.
No exaggeration.
No name calling!!! (duh)
Don't get discouraged if your partner doesn't follow your lead right away.
If she's not deaf, she's heard you!
Agree to disagree.
I'm in no hurry, but I can't remain stagnant either. I'll keep my eye's open for favorable opportunities to dart/discuss, all the while continuing to be the H only a fool would leave. As long as I'm doing this, I think I can hold on for a while. Especially if I'm seeing progress.
Thanks everyone!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
