separted six weeks still on the journey - II

[paul19510]

another weird thing that happened. W called me this morning, but then said she butt dialed me. Strange but her phone locks when in her pocket ad she rarely calls my number anymore...not sure how that would happen. Wished her a safe day in the snow and left the call.

[LITB]

I believe this is the beginning of them starting to look inward. They are getting what they wanted and realise that it may not be as glossy as they were imagining. I do not think they think about what our life looks like without them just what there life looks like without us.
This is a rude shock for them.

Not really, most WAS's are quite happy to be out and away from the LBS and starting their "new, exciting" life. I think most LBS's think "well once they move out they'll quickly realize what they're missing and come back", but that's a very unrealistic expectation to have. As we say a lot around here, it's a marathon, not a sprint. It takes many months if not years to lay the groundwork for reconciliation. There are no quick fixes or "triggers" that will snap the WAS out of it and bring them home.

Yeah, I agree with AS wholeheartedly on this.

The key is to utilize your time wisely. Make changes within yourself. Be the person that you want to date. Be the person you couldn't live without.

-Be fun
-Be confident
-Be different
-Be decisive
-Be interesting
-smile
-walk with your head up
-Be happy(say good morning/hello to people)

It is a mindset and it is attractive. Get there!!!

[artsy]

Hey, Paul-

I haven't worn my rings since BD. Our vows were broken, as far as I'm concerned the rings mean nothing at this point. He stopped wearing his a year ago, and lied about it (said his hands swelled at work). I noticed at one point he had it on a clip on his keychain- he's trying to keep our S secret from most people, so I'm guessing he puts it on when it suits him. I don't ask.

Didn't mean to hijack- just agreeing with you on the rings: why be the only one hanging on to the symbolism?

[paul19510]

Hey, Paul-

I haven't worn my rings since BD. Our vows were broken, as far as I'm concerned the rings mean nothing at this point. He stopped wearing his a year ago, and lied about it (said his hands swelled at work). I noticed at one point he had it on a clip on his keychain- he's trying to keep our S secret from most people, so I'm guessing he puts it on when it suits him. I don't ask.

Didn't mean to hijack- just agreeing with you on the rings: why be the only one hanging on to the symbolism?

hi artsy. I agree. Like bug said. My M is dead. I am moving forward with my life with that in mind

[paul19510]

I answered that very quickly and didn't mean to make it sound like its nothing. I just mean that I really have to keep moving forward. its a big step. I miss W less and less each day. maybe its supposed to be this way.

[GreyMatter]

Hi again,
I'm the same as artsy with the rings - mine went long ago. In response to the WAS starting to look inward, I really think it just depends on the stage that they are in. My H was in the complete confusion/depression stage at this point so my actions really effected him. Going back prior to that when he felt trapped and anger nothing I said or did he cared about or even noticed. I think these types of personal situations relies then with you, your personal sitch and your coach to sort through.

The limbo land I'm affraid stays for a while just changes shape. I think we can all agree with this part. our patience being tested :-)

[GreyMatter]

Also LITB,
great little list on what we need to do

The key is to utilize your time wisely. Make changes within yourself. Be the person that you want to date. Be the person you couldn't live without.

-Be fun
-Be confident
-Be different
-Be decisive
-Be interesting
-smile
-walk with your head up
-Be happy(say good morning/hello to people)

It is a mindset and it is attractive. Get there!!!

It is a mindset and I implemented this only 2 weeks after BD. If I couldn't change his mind then I needed to stop trying. I did this and faked it until I made it! It's still hard but I can genuinely smile and have fun!

[paul19510]

Also LITB,
great little list on what we need to do

The key is to utilize your time wisely. Make changes within yourself. Be the person that you want to date. Be the person you couldn't live without.

-Be fun
-Be confident
-Be different
-Be decisive
-Be interesting
-smile
-walk with your head up
-Be happy(say good morning/hello to people)

It is a mindset and it is attractive. Get there!!!

It is a mindset and I implemented this only 2 weeks after BD. If I couldn't change his mind then I needed to stop trying. I did this and faked it until I made it! It's still hard but I can genuinely smile and have fun!

I agree. I am doing that. I am also moving on with my life in the assumption she's never coming home. I can't keep hurting like I did.

[paul19510]

feeling very anxious today. Worked at the church early and then home to help kids with getting set for school on 2 hour delay. I have plans for dinner with a friend on Thursday. Its nice to try and get out. She's been where I am now and understands it. She's ben very respectful of my position on my M and has been a good friend. Its nice to be able to joke or laugh again. I'm really tired of being lonely. I'm really tired of IDK's and vague statements from W. Just stressing a little.

[paul19510]

My W didn't respect my boundary this morning about communicating directly to each other about rides for kids, etc. She went to her office this morning without taking kids in to school due to 2 hour delay. She left a message with D13 to give me. When I yelled up from my office to make sure they were ready on time for W, D13 said, "oh dad, mom said you'd take us in. She's already over in town at work..."

I politely called W and reiterated that in these cases I would be very helpful if she would communicate directly as I had previously asked. She gave excuses to which I replied: "I understand, if you could please just send me a short text next time to let me know directly, that will help me help the kids and we'll all be better off....thanks! I'm sure you're busy and I have a meeting to get to so let me let you go now..."

As I said earlier, this is really turning into a business arrangement and it has no advantages to me at all. Not sure I want this anymore....she's not moving in any way that I can see.