I think I have an MLCer/"crisis" child.

[Dylis]

Not smacking your hands or being harsh, but maybe people are starting to feel a bit "used" at the last minute and have to change their plans to accommodate your needs.

I did come to that realization a little while ago. That's why two weeks ago I held a family meeting letting them know when and how I would need their help. I had them pretty much volunteer for when they can step in, my mom chose to be babysitter for Friday night, and the sister who I called was the back up. And the cousins who I called after that were the back up of the back up. This is what we all agreed upon. But it goes to show that no matter how much you prepare, plans and arrangements can still fall through the cracks.

If it wasn't his weekend to have your daughter, then you shouldn't have expected him to be in town or to notify you that he was out of town, if you are separated...however, he had his phone so that you could call him in case of an emergency.

That's the other thing that bugs me, we don't have a schedule for him to have D. He just calls the day before and says I would like to have or see D or calls an hour before to swing by to see D (literally, he pops up says Hi, how was school, I love you, then leaves, no more than 5 minutes). I don't go out of my way to accommodate him and I don't always say yes because we have plans. He doesn't want to have a schedule he just wants to see her when he feels like it. But you're right just in case of emergency he did have and answered his phone, so I'll look at that as a positive.

As for the anger I haven't shown anyone my anger. With my mom I smiled, told her I understood, even cracked a joke for us to laugh about, and told her thanks. Honestly, the only place I've expressed my anger and annoyance is right here in this thread. Even with the IC, I smiled and tactfully changed the subject. I will definitely be asking the questions over the phone next time before I make an appointment.

I'm going to ask a question that may anger you...but the two ladies that didn't attend the Saturday evening meet up...have you been discussing your situation w/them? Have you been complaining to them? If so, they may have opted not to meet up because they didn't want to hear about the situation again. If that is the case, it's best to choose one friend to lean on to discuss your situation.

Don't worry Job, this did not anger me. They each heard my situation only once over a month ago, I haven't been complaining to them. It's the one who ended up coming who have kept abreast of my sitch. The others ask how am I doing once in a while and ask how is D doing and has she seen H, and I just answer them. Good, she's good, not really or no or not since whenever. They do the complaining for me. Lol. But one of them is happily married and maybe my sitch dampens her bliss (newlyweds) and the other has her own difficult sitch right now, her boyfriend has been hospitalized with cancer (another purpose for the outing was for her to get away as well). So although I was annoyed there's no way I'm ever going to tell them that I was disappointed. I just think that the other two treat the one as the ring leader and whatever she does or say they follow. Something I've been battling with internally throughout our friendships. We've all been friends since middle school. But that's a whole other story and this post is just as long as my last one.

Take a good, long, hard look in the mirror...you are not a victim...you need to get stronger and more independent and yes, you are a survivor.

All things I am working on since I found out about codependency.