But, decided that I should not trust my instinct. My note basically said the dogs had done their business, and I was going out for a bit. "That I might be home by the second half, but that I wanted to see the half time show, so not sure. Go Broncos, Go Chili Peppers ( a shared fav. band) Text if you need me. Might be back before the game, not sure. There is a pizza in the freezer if your hungry."
I did not say where I was going, or committing to when I would be back. I spent a portion of the night wondering what she was doing. Would she be home when I got home or had she gone out because I had? Was I pushing her away? Was I being mean by not staying home?
Early on we all do things that we like to think are GAL, but are really our efforts to get the WAS to "see the light". I remember one time not long after BD and before S I told W I was going out, then I went and had dinner and a drink by myself. I sat there the whole time wondering what she was thinking about this. I made sure to stay long enough so that I would get home after her and walked in expecting her to ask questions about where I was and who I was with. She said nothing. Looking back I can see what a sad and pathetic attempt it was to "snap her out of it", I really had no idea at the time just what I was dealing with. And I sense that maybe you're doing the same thing now, you're using GAL as a "trick" to try to wake her up. But here's the thing- by the time a woman becomes a WAW she has convinced herself that she is done with the M and most of the time she could really care less what the LBS does, because she's one foot out the door anyway. GAL isn't for her, it's for YOU. It's YOUR path to healing. Don't do it to try and fix her, it doesn't work that way.
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I don't need to worry about what she is doing, I am showing her what me not being there is like. There was that small part of me that was like, good, she can see what it feels like to sit at home alone as I have been doing since BD.
You're not showing her anything, because she WANTS you to not be there. She WANTS time and space from you!
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But mostly I am worried that this was not doing the right thing, and that I was being mean by leaving her here.
How many times did she call/ text you asking where you were and when you would be home? Zero? And what does that tell you?
