I don't want the freaking divorce. But I also don't want to be lonely and in limbo for the rest of my life.
Whenever someone says they're in "limbo" it tells me they're "waiting", and you shouldn't wait. Being married is (or at least, should be) only one part of your life, set it aside for now but continue expanding every other aspect of your life. You should be on a journey, not standing still. Find out who you are and what you want to do with your life. Remove H from that equation for now. You can insert him back into your life later, or insert someone else perhaps. But there's no rush on that. Find yourself first
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So now instead of being adamant we need to save it like I have been since BD...I'm feeling on the fence too. I'm not even sure it can it should be saved or if I want it. But I'm not sure I don't either.
Definitely something to think about. If you were to reconcile with the man your H is now, think about what that would look like and if you even want that or not. My guess is probably not. So the only thing you can hope for is that he will change into someone you do want an R with, but how long will that take? Probably a lot longer than you think. What you want to do is get to a point where you can think about these things and come to conclusions rationally and logically without your emotions flaring up. And if you can do that, THEN you're ready to make a decision as to whether to keep standing or not.
