Thank you Job - yes - I know that he wants change and he is going all out to get it. I have never seen him like this in all the time I have known him - he has always been far more easy going. I had a peaceful day yesterday but today I am feeling overwhelmed again....really feeling the loss and the pain of not seeing him or speaking to him (the person that I knew that is). The thing that is giving me strength and hope in a sense is that this is MLC and Depression - and it seems that WAP is fitting all of the specific script indicators. I have been reading and reading about male depression and the timeline before BD fits perfectly. His words fit perfectly. His coldness, his detachment, his lack of empathy fits perfectly. His focus on deleting his "old" life ie myself and my D fits perfectly. I doubt whether he is deleting other people but then again he has openly blamed me for being the cause of him being depressed and having to wend the relationship. I am trying to repeat to myself that there was nothing i could have done. You are right Job - I was bending myself into different shapes to try and do ANYTHING to make him happy but NOTHING was working. Nothing. I am also suspecting that affair with OW started before Xmas - may have been happening for some time. Now I feel really nauseous. I know that she is (or was ) unhappily married with 4 kids - around 8-10 years older than me and one of his singing students/ I was reading Conway's description of the affair and she seems to fit the bill - her own emotional issues and WAP coming in alike a knight in shining armour. I want to have the strength and trust to hand this over to God and trust the process. I want to believe that what we had was truth and not a lie before he went into covert depression. Would appreciate some advice today - am a bit wobbly I x
