One baby step at a time...

[2ndTimeHurt]

K, this is just a commentary or narration of what my day was like. No getting hopes up, no mind reading, but it was a weird case of déjà vu.

My morning/afternoon was great. Took my son to an indoor play structure and we had a blast. He had so much fun running around and sweating up a storm. My ex called while I was out with him. I 180'd and didn't even invite her out. She asked what I was doing for Super Bowl. I told her I had no plans but couldn't watch at my place because I cancelled my dish. She invited us over. I show up around 6 because my son has late naps and I had to pick up a few things she forgot to get. We make some nachos and pita pizzas. I 180'd every time she tried to push my buttons. There were no arguments. In fact I can't really remember the last time we fought. I must've dodged like 5 attempts at her trying to start something. Whether intentional or not on her part, the old me would've walked right into an argument with her.

We talked about a bunch of random things. It was nice being able to just talk. She mentioned she doesnt really like her family right now. She does that from time to time. She feels judged by them and rightfully so i might add. She asked what I did this weekend. I told her I played wingman again(even though I didn't, I was planning on going out with my buddy but that fell through). She asked if I was interested in the other girl. I don't think I really answered that question. I just told her she was tall and had lots of tattoos(my ex has a lot of tattoos as well). I also told her I went out with another girl(a good friend from highschool who she thinks I had sex with). But again that plan fell through and I just stayed home. She then told me she went late night ice skating. I'm assuming it was with captain cool but I pretty much kept my mouth shut. I don't ask anything about what she's doing but she sorta weasles info out of me(am I sorta being mysterious to her now?). She also told me she went to bed at midnight last night. Which totally surprised me because she is a night owl and she was out with cool dude. I simply said that it was nice that she got a good night sleep. She also told me she picked up hair dye. Which is par for the course for her changing her mind all the time. I told her a few days ago that I could help if she were to dye it. She said she would get a hair stylist to do it in a few months time. Anyway, I ended up dying her hair(I did that for her the last time we broke up).

I've noticed she sings in my truck all the time again. Singing "our" songs, which are basically my favorite bands that she likes to sing along to. She's mentioned before that she only feels comfortable singing in front of me. A lot of the things that happened during our last break up are happening again. I'm not sure if that's good or bad, but it does make it hard for me not to read into things. Even though it's hard I will continue with the no expectations, fake it til I make it, PMA, gal, lifting weights, having super fun with my son(he likes to play my guitar now, so cute) etc.

She even wants to come by tomorrow after she's done work. I hope she does for my son's sake. Who knows, maybe we'll play some rockband. Our son loves watching us play, he even sings into the mic and strums my guitar for me. No expectations, in fact I'll expect that she bails.