I may have done too much

[D2ndday]

So tonight, I don't know what was right. I went against my instincts on this one. Last night I asked her what her plan was for tonight's game. We had been planning before the BD that we would watch the super bowl together. After BD we really did not talk about it. She said last night she had a long day (meaning she did not know when she might be home) and had a open shift tomorrow (meaning she would go to bed early, before the end of the game). She asked my plan, I said I was not sure yet. This mornings note was, "have a great day, super bowl tonight." I was debating if I should stay and watch it with her, or part of it, or just go out and watch elsewhere. My instinct was to stay here, and watch it for the short period she would be here and awake. I felt bad leaving her to watch it alone.

But, decided that I should not trust my instinct. My note basically said the dogs had done their business, and I was going out for a bit. "That I might be home by the second half, but that I wanted to see the half time show, so not sure. Go Broncos, Go Chili Peppers ( a shared fav. band) Text if you need me. Might be back before the game, not sure. There is a pizza in the freezer if your hungry."

I did not say where I was going, or committing to when I would be back. I spent a portion of the night wondering what she was doing. Would she be home when I got home or had she gone out because I had? Was I pushing her away? Was I being mean by not staying home? All these questions. Knowing that while the game was on where I was, it was on at my home too. That she was sitting there alone. I felt bad. I still don't know if this was a mistake, going out. I just kept saying to myself, I am getting a life. I don't need to worry about what she is doing, I am showing her what me not being there is like. There was that small part of me that was like, good, she can see what it feels like to sit at home alone as I have been doing since BD. Surrounded by our marriage pictures on the walls. But mostly I am worried that this was not doing the right thing, and that I was being mean by leaving her here.

Really looking for someone's insight on this. I feel like right now I can't trust my instincts.

When I got home, she was asleep, but that's to be expected as it was very late when I got home. So now I am here. Looking to see if I made a mistake. I don't think I did, but second guessing my choice.