Maybe I was so starved for kindness from him that I globbed onto any small offering. I cried when he scraped my car. Pathetic. And nowhere near detached.
And I am embarrassed to admit that somewhere in the back of my head or bottom of heart I have the fantasy of H coming to me and saying "I am so sorry I made such a mistake. I am going into substance abuse treatment and giving up OW who, by the way, doesn't hold a candle to you. " pathetic again
But..even though I am no where as detached as I thought I am in a much better place than 4 months ago.
I am a better parent. Before I relied on H to help me deal with s's behavior in public. I rarely took s any where without h. Now we are trying new things and I am committed to getting s out into the world. While I am terrified of how s will respond to 2 residences I am being proactive and talking to his docs and therapists now about how to help him adjust.
I have also become a better friend. The efforts I have made to be more positive and optimistic are not noticed by H but they are noticed by others.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
