This Tuesday marks 10 years of minimal physical contact and no ML, and next week 10 years on DB. I should drink a bottle of tonic water to celebrate.
I think it would drive me to drink..........but not tonic water. (Just kidding, Luke.)
Your teenage daughter may be giving you the silent treatment b/c this is the model set before her by her mother. Also, she could be very hurt that you chose to make such a huge difference in her Christmas gift and her brother's gift, IDK. But thinking back to when I was 15, I would have been ticked if one of my parents showed that much favoritism to my sibling.
I don't think you deliberately meant to hurt her, and you withdrew the trip once she and her mother voiced their feelings. BTW, how did your son feel after his Christmas gift didn't pan out? I really was hoping you would take 25's excellent suggestion to invite both your children on the trip and tell your D that she could take a friend (which all teenage girls would want to take another girl along). Or maybe if it had not been a gift to one and not the other? Anyway, it is done. My question and concern now is.....did you learn from the experience?
We have asked for an update and wondered how you survived the holidays, but .........
I believe it is hopeless (and I have never told anyone this before) to hang onto the idea you will ever have more in your M with your present W. However, I think we would still try to help you with "life", but I'm not at all sure of what you want or what your goal is anymore. I know what you say is scheduled to happen when your D turns 16, but then you aren't certain b/c W likes where she lives.
I think if you are to have a R with your daughter, you will have to lead it. You cannot afford to wait for the child to make the moves inthe relationship......or you will lose her, Luke. She may be her mother's daughter, but she needs her father in her life. Even if you refuse to do what the board members has urged you to do to reverse the damaging effects her mother is doing to her (teaching her how to be a total bi!ch to men), please do not deprive your child from her daddy. It is vital to a girl's emotional development (as with either gender) that she has a healthy relationship with her dad. If you really love this child, you will overcome or learn to do whatever you need to do to save her. But so far, all I have seen from you is a feeling of awkwardness (according to you), but at what point does it become stubbornness? She may not know any better, but you should.
Teenage girls are usually emotional to one extreme or the other. If you will just TRY to express some sign of love for her, I believe she will respond. It may not be immediate, IDK. I'm sure people here would be very willing to help you word a letter about your feelings for her. Have you ever told her how important she is to you? Have you told her you were sorry if you hurt her over the Christmas trip? I think maybe saying you never meant to hurt her...would be a good start. Then you could go on with how much you love her.
You can't treat her the same cold way you have dealt with your W. Not if you want to have a daughter...and someday be able to see grandchildren. That day will come before you realize how fast the time got away......and you did nothing more to ensure a R with your daughter. It takes more effort than a few non-emotional words of facts and sending a few pictures of places you visit. I think maybe she's not too interested in that part anymore. But she can become interested after she sees you more than some stranger who shows up at her house from time to time.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
