It's Time to Sing a Brand New Song

[melissag]

Hi Mimi, I can empathize with that feeling . . . being scared, or nervous, or excited, or proud, and not having H to share it with. (Also, sliding on ice and that moment where you have no idea what is going to happen - ack!) It hurts. I can only hope that at some point we get used to it, or maybe even just don't have that thought anymore before getting back on the road.

I wonder if your H hadn't used the word D before because he felt you would react to it. Your cooperation lately probably has him thinking that you are fine with it now. (After all, if he tells himself that story, he doesn't have to feel guilty, right?) I know that is mind reading, but just throwing it out there. I know you're not going to do or change anything based on what he may or may not be thinking.

That is sad about your friend's comments . . . I sometimes see Hs and Ws arguing or scoffing or snapping or rolling their eyes at each other and I want to say, "please stop."

Then I saw the cutest elderly couple yesterday at Whole Foods. They both walked very slowly but he was still helping his W navigate the snowy parking lot. They were both so kind, chatting with the cashier and the W with me. It made me feel so happy for them, and so f-ing sad for me, because that was what I wanted with H, and that dream is gone. But who knows, maybe I can find it with someone else someday. And you can, too, Mimi. You are young, and smart, and have so much to offer. Your biggest problem in finding someone will probably be that you are so much more evolved than most people your age.