separted six weeks still on the journey - II

[paul19510]

P - I had to have the same convo with my H. I had to tell him that he could not come into the house and take a shower, eat dinner or do his laundry. The first week or two he would try and push the boundary (ask if he could take shower, etc). When he realized it was going to stick, he just dropped it. I know that he still does not like it because he mentions it every once in a while. The weird thing is that he admits that my house no longer feels like his house.

So why do they care? My H cared because he wants to be in control. Just like your W. She does not like that the control has shifted a bit. She never thought that you would change things up. She probably thought that you would be desperate and always welcome her with open arms when she came around. I think that you are doing a great double following through on this boundary.

P - I hope that you know that you are doing a great job considering that BD just happened

Thanks 3 and Grey. I did do one thing today after reading grey's post. I sent a text to W to ask if she would like a pic or 2 from S12's game today. I told her that we are all detaching from her, but that the kids detachment was what really bothered me. I mentioned that I struggled with keeping her in touch with kids activities and lives without actually over-communicating.

I empathized that yesterday was probably uncomfortable for her to hear (but necessary) from D16 and me that she no longer lives here and, that given the current situation she should not consider this her home . She admitted that it was difficult to hear. She was glad to see pictures from the game. She complimented S and he felt that mom paid some attention to his accomplishments. I fell she's damaging her R with the kids and I am trying to help that be less so. if she were to return, she'll come back to a place that she barely recognizes. We've all had to change to make things work.

Now that games are over for the weekend, I'm back to essentials only. that's actually becoming much easier now. I think I'm really starting to let go a lot more that I realized.