Thanks so much job - I really appreciate your feedback - any advice you may have at this point in time is wonderful. The more I read your post the more I am CONVINCED that this is MLC. I know he is 62 but he HAS NOT dealt with with past - particularly childhood issues. To fill in a few gasp - I have not heard this from WAP but his brother who has been a wonderful support for myself and D over the last month since BD... WAP and his three siblings ( 2 brothers, one sister, WAP is the eldest) had a mother (she dies before I met WAP) who was by all accounts very emotionally cold. She told her children that she never wanted them in the first place and that she felt sabotaged into marriage. She viewed her role as a provider of food and someone who kept the house (although it was very messy a lot of the time)... She was also extremely hysterical a lot of the time as her husband (WAPS father) was a serial adulterer and philanderer. He was absent most of the time from home having affairs. When the father finally left for good WAPS mother had a breakdown and was admitted to a mental hospital for a period of time. WAP has recounted to em having to literally prise his mother of his father and stop her trying to scratch his eyes out in a public park when he was 5. I do not believe for one minute that he has deal with any of this. WAPS father is still alive and ironically D and myself have always been quite close to him. But he is a very emotionally removed man. Towards the end of last year he tried to take an overdose so I think there are many demons still there for him at the age of nearly 89. I also know he hasn't dealt with anything until now because he has repeatedly played out a version of his fathers cheating (not as much but it has happened). However to the best of my knowledge he has never done what he has done to me and D to anyone else - I think this is, by all accounts, the biggest crisis he has hit so far. The fact that he wrote, as a first port of call in his BD email, that he was depressed speaks volumes I feel. Now that I have had time and distance to think about it it is more significant, perhaps, than what I first gave it credit for.... I also think that the issue of the projection (remorse, regret etc) was also mixed with him quietly expecting sympathy from me. The yearning for youth and "rejuvenation" is really present and he seems completely focussed on that. Re rejecting his "old" life I am not sure - he seems to be in contact from what I know with his close friends but I think the main focus is OW (I am trying not to be upset about her - trying to remind myself that she is a self medication)...... I am interested to know more about the issue of depression in all of this so I will have a read of your thread now... Thank you job I x
