separted six weeks still on the journey - II

[GreyMatter]

Hi Paul,
I've been dropping in and monitoring your sitch and have tried to post about 3 times now but get too far into it and realise how much I have to share with you.
I want to be the little beacon of light that may help you! My BD mid july so I have been at this for 6 months. I read the DR and got a phone coach and followed everything like gospel. I wanted everything to happen really quickly too but nothing actually progresses until you acquire all the necessary 'tools' you need. Letting go, patience, GAL etc etc we all know them and sometimes we tell ourselves we have them but don't.
I want to tell you that I have seen some progress in your posts so don't get disheartened. But yes be patient as you need to keep refocusing on you and GALing. It does appear sometimes as though your still hanging on her actions but this must be hard with older kids also. They come with mouths and brains and needless to say opinions! mine are only babies so I've been able to fend a lot from them.
However I did read in your posts about sharing things with your W in regards to kids etc and I want you to know I started growing a bit more of a backbone around 2 months and I refused to let my H let go of our children. My IC gave me some good advice which I took on board. I decided to tell my H that 'I could understand that he was dealing with some issues that kept him away from his children but I as the co-parent was prepared to put in more to allow for this drop. (not that I had a choice) That meant that I was going to send updates and pictures so he could just see and that he didn't have to respond. I also mentioned that if it takes him a year or so to figure himself out that his kids would give up on him if I didn't do this. I did not want this for my children. I told him that I thought he was still a decent person and as a friend and co-parent of beautiful children I was prepared to never say a bad word about him and always have his back.' There were other things I said but I'm sure you get the picture, I came in from entirely different angle (tried something different) Yes it worked and yes he started being around the kids more. And the animals and everything else before me. So, I showed admirable qualities and was prepared to get my hands dirty as his team mate not opposition.

Guess what? It's all about me now! and it will all be about you soon. (sorry I rambled on really just had to get it off my chest, sometimes wish I could upload my 6 month journal because it is crazy!) keep being positive it will happen!