just reading around- i'm soo sorry for your sitch and the whole ow thing- it's a roller coaster of the mind for sure. i know the ow in my sitch. well, i did. worked with her and was friends before she began working for h- etc. i'm not even going there. it's such a huge stinking mess & betrayal- what jerks they are. that's mild considering what boils around in my head sometimes.
your h, i'm so sorry also for his depression- that's got to be scary - watching it all. my h just doesn't speak about anything meaningful= it's a tangled mess spread between FL and NJ - when i see him lately he's perfectly nice BUT no particular "love" - it's a bit hollow feeling.
ANYWAY- i can't explain it all- I WANT TO SAY YOUR OLD POST BACK IN DECEMBER ABOUT THE CRyptic note made me laugh out loud- someone's response to it:
Quote:
I may be wrong, but I *think* it might mean "thanks for not completely kicking me in the nuts and throwing me out of your life even though I really deserve it" ...But he can't say something clear and obvious like that. :P
last year i got a valentine card (which surprised the heck out of me - since he's in LOOOOOOOVE W/OW (or so he tells HER) that. anyway- it said something like on front "valentine, thanks so much for" and then open up and inside it says" not killing me in my sleep , which i probably deserve" -
something like that. wtf? how the heck do you live with yourself if you feel you're doing something so rotten- you should quit it. i'd think, if you're a grown up or sane, you either stop it or get lost and let the other person "off the hook".
me- i'm just flopping around on the stinkin hook- can't get in the boat- can't get free-
some days feels like i'll be "here" for the rest of my life- AUUUUUGGGSHHHHHHH
HANG ON i guess and good luck- it's such a stinkin mess isn't it- this mlc- and why exactly do we all have such love and hope and whatevertheheck it is that keeps us "understanding" caregiving- hoping? wondering? being here instead of long long gone?????? idk- we're either incredibly wonderful- or incredibly nuts. obviously something these guys hone in on in us and about us, that's missing in their lives, that keeps them having their hooks into us- idk- life, it's a question and i never seem to have any answer.
i flip and flop about that daily (what makes me stay "here"?) - many many times. i wish to God i had someone like me in my life- (level of dedication & loyalty) .
oh well huh? all we can do is "do unto others" and hope somehow it all matters.
sorry to be dreary- have a great day and thanks for sharing.
